


A Flower Beat With Rain And Wind

by mansikka



Series: Shade Falls On Us [8]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Hope, Immortality, M/M, POV Magnus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2018-12-26 12:18:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12058851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mansikka/pseuds/mansikka
Summary: Alec wakes up from the spell and is forever changed.





	A Flower Beat With Rain And Wind

There are a thousand memories Magnus will treasure forever, but there has to be tenfold more of them that he would happily forget.

Lost loves, ending friendships, death and destruction out of his capability to do anything about. Hurts he’s caused, promises he’s broken, guilts that sit heavily on his chest even centuries after the event.

He’s imperfect, flawed and faulted and riddled with wrongdoings. Which makes him just as _human_ as everybody else, Magnus thinks with a huff, rolling his eyes at his own indulgence in all his insecurities.

Until recently, Magnus was sure that there was not a single memory he’d created with Alec that he’d want to forget. Even the difficult ones, where they’ve used harsh words and misunderstood one another; even those have been tinged with better things like making up, or learning more about each other, fitting together in spite of all their shared faults and flaws.

But the ritual, Magnus thinks, feeling sick to his very center, the ritual. If there were a way to rid himself of that particular memory indefinitely, without the guilt of leaving Alec to remember it alone, then he would.  

Magnus closes his eyes, breathes out through his nose until that wave of nausea passes, then shudders as he fights to force the memory away—or at least tuck it back in a corner of his mind until he’s less raw to remembering it.

Maybe it’ll be easier to view the memory of Alec’s ritual when Alec himself is awake. Currently, he’s comatose, laid out like a marble carved statue, unmoving and unanimated, spread out and taking up the entirety of the bed.  

Not that Magnus objects to that, of course. He’s spent part of his time in a chair beside him clenching on to his fingers, willing Alec awake. And the other part he’s curled himself catlike into his side, monitoring the rise and fall of his chest and the fluttering of his heartbeat with his ear pressed there, begging and pleading and bargaining for Alec to wake up soon and come back to him. With no idea how long this is going to take.

Alec is there though, Magnus reminds himself with a painful grimace, he’s still there. And he feels okay; his body is prone and pale, but his soul is singing, molding and morphing around the new essence that will be the foundation of his new life.

Alec has a soul, Magnus repeats, adamant that all living creatures that aren’t demons have a soul; Mundane, Shadowhunter, and Downworlder alike. He refutes any arguments to the contrary, and the evidence is laid out before him now. Alec Lightwood, former Shadowhunter, metamorphosing into the unknown, but still with the brightest soul Magnus has ever been in the company of.

Magnus is aware he might be biased.

It’s a little easier to be patient this time around, Magnus thinks, recalling the slumber Alec had first fallen into after the attack of the Odzer demons. At least now he knows that this sense of endless waiting really will have an end to it, and that there will be an _after_. Not an after that’s muted by an unknown length of time tainted by mortality, but an endless stretch of _something_. Magnus is eager, and excited, and okay, still a little impatient to find out what an immortal Alec will be like.

Of course, he wants and needs Alec in any way he comes back to him. And if he could choose, Alec would have had a better choice than the impossible one he had to make. But if Alec really wants to spend forever by his side—something that Magnus accepts he does; even if he’s struggling to wrap his head around the idea—then Magnus will gladly take all and everything that comes with it. He’d just really like Alec to wake up so they can get on with all of that.

He sighs then, shifts from where he’s perched on the edge of the bed, and indulges as he has been indulging in nuzzling kisses into his cheek. He’s like a lion cub trying to raise a drowsy playmate from slumber, Magnus grins to himself as he sits back up, highly amused by his own analogy.  

Magnus wonders if Alec will have a warlock mark. He wonders about the color of his magic. He debates if there’ll be residual leftovers from the angel blood that made Alec a Shadowhunter in the first place—mostly, if he’s honest, he wonders if his runes might still work.  

He doubts they will, in fact he’s fairly certain that won’t happen, but Alec’s runes are as much a part of him as his heart and lungs. It’s going to take him a while to adjust to the new power surging beneath his skin, of course it is. But it might take even longer to unpick himself from what he once was, or to carve out the parts of his old self that he still gets to have.    

Magnus intends to be there through all of it.  

“Wake up for me, my love; we have so much to do,” Magnus whispers, cupping his face and stroking a thumb down over his stubbled cheek, sighing when a blast of impatience hits him all over again. And they do, they do have so much they need to be getting on with. Time may no longer be of the essence for them personally, but there are still things that are time critical.

More accurately, Magnus amends, hearing the shuffling beyond their bedroom door, there are siblings that have reason to be more impatient than him, prowling around his living room, anxiously popping their head around the door at frequent intervals to ask if Alec is yet awake.

It’s making him anxious, and Magnus does not like feeling anxious. He wishes he could speed up Alec’s recovery for all of them, for selfish reasons as well as more considerate ones. Once Alec’s awake he has every intention of insisting they go somewhere away from all that they know for a while. Alec needs to learn about all the new parts of himself, and Magnus thinks he’ll cope so much better doing that outside of himself, free to learn and stretch his magic without the fear of watchful eyes, or the looming presence of the Clave—who are suddenly interested in what a former Shadowhunter might look like—or probably more accurately, Magnus amends, what it might do for them.

If they think they can get their hands on him after all but abandoning him to die alone, Magnus fumes, that particular fury one he doesn’t think will ever lessen, then they will learn what it is to go up against an incensed and wrathful High Warlock, and will not like the consequences.

Catarina will be a willing participant, Magnus adds to himself with a smile, the memory of her excitement for Magnus getting a chance at a forever with someone he loves one that he will cherish and take out to smile on fondly at times.

Apparently Madzie wants to know if Alec will have gills like hers when he wakes up, since he likes hers so much.

Magnus smiles harder to himself at the thought of his extended family, allows his hand to slip down Alec’s arm to tangle through his fingers, and lets out an unconscious, content sigh. His thoughts are a jumble; one minute he’s imagining the perfect place for Alec to get used to his magic, whilst the next is wondering what Alec’s going to _do_ with an endless stretch of life before him. Truly, there is so much to think about, that it’s probably not a surprise he can’t keep to a single train of thought.

I get to have this, he thinks to himself, overwhelmed, overawed by the thought of it all. Too excited not to already be having it.

“Wake up, my love. We have a life to live,”

* * *

It’s a crisp winter morning when Alec finally rouses, beginning to shift restlessly against the sheets until Magnus realizes what is happening, and gasps himself awake. After a thick swallow that is probably supposed to calm his nerves, Magnus is reaching out a trembling hand to the bedside lamp, and bathing a surprised-looking Alec in a muted light.

He holds his breath as Alec’s eyes grow wider, holding perfectly still as he watches him lift both of his arms, turning his hands over slowly to inspect them. The runes are still present there on his skin, but they’re faded, dormant-looking. Alec lifts his head just enough to inspect the rest of them, ghosting his fingers over a couple before dropping his hand back against the bed.

Is he regretting it? Magnus panics, though there is nothing he can ever do to turn things back even if he is. Is he nervous, fearful, scared of how the magic feels inside him as it too stirs itself into being? Is there anything he can do to ease Alec’s path back to full wakefulness, that won’t scare him into wanting to retreat?

“Magnus,” he hears, and Magnus’ heart gives one loud thud, the aching familiarity of Alec’s voice hitting him hard, reassuring him with that single word that truly, everything is going to be alright.

Magnus smiles down at him from where he’s propped himself up on his palms, fearing that if he tries to get out a single word, he’s going to break down in tears of relief. And though he knows Alec wouldn’t judge him for it, Magnus wants the first moments of Alec’s immortality to be pleasant ones. Peaceful if nothing else; not filled with big, gulping sobs of being so desperately thankful to have Alec alive and whole with him, that he’s inconsolable.  

So Magnus watches. As Alec continues to inspect himself, prodding and poking at his own skin, huffing as his fingers skirt over his parabatai rune, eyes widening at the lazy stirring of light forming in his palm when he draws his hand back.

“Magnus,” he says again, staring at his own palm held up in front of his face as that magic swirls the color of honey, with shoots of amber through it that suggest the presence of a candle lazily burning in the dark. It’s beautiful, Magnus thinks with a jolt to his stomach, but it is Alec’s magic, so how could it be anything but.

 _Alec’s magic_ , he thinks to himself, sending another surging jolt through his heart.

“It’s okay,” he whispers, because he can’t imagine what it must be like for Alec to be seeing evidence of his new self there dancing up from his hands. But he needn’t have worried. Seconds later, and Alec is dragging his eyes away from his hand to stare up at Magnus, a smile lighting up his face in sheer delight.

“We did it,” he says, his voice euphoric even in its softness, “you did it; I’m still here,”

“I think you did more of that than me,” Magnus amends, receiving a quick blasted reminder of everything Alec’s been through before he can tuck it away again.

“I’m… still me,” Alec adds, sounding a little startled, and it’s enough for Magnus to break out into a helpless, teary grin.

“Did you think you would be anybody else?”

“Magnus,” Alec says then, with an impossibly happier look on his face, and Magnus’ heart is soaring. He isn’t expecting Alec to surge forward, cup his face, claim his mouth in a hungry kiss, but he’s not going to complain about it happening.

Any concerns Magnus might have had about Alec needing time to get back to full strength prove unfounded, when Alec flips him over on his back and pins him there, wriggling to fit between his thighs and falling on him with a desperate groan. Alec means to consume him, Magnus thinks, and there’s about three seconds when he considers telling Alec to hold back, to wait until they know he’s better, before Alec is clawing at his clothes, tugging and pulling until there’s nothing between them.

“Magnus,” Alec repeats, and it’s spoken with such reverence. He wants to answer, to echo such precious tones so Alec will know what he means to him with the same simplicity of uttering his name. Alec has other ideas though, apparently, greedily kissing and caressing and remapping every inch of Magnus’ skin, as though Magnus is a sacred place he hasn’t visited in years, and he needs to show his adulation. Magnus supposes it might feel like that for Alec, given how long he’s been under the venom’s control—and he’ll more than happily take the worshipping part.

So Magnus relinquishes all of his control to Alec, allowing himself to be loved, smiling when little bursts of Alec’s fledgling magic distract him enough to pull back for a second from what he’s doing, and accepting all the kisses and caresses when he has his attention once again. It feels as though they can go on like this forever, Magnus thinks to himself with a soundless laugh; because that is a reality he now gets to have.

And then Alec is inside him, rolling his hips to repeatedly fill him, with accompanying deep, choked out groans, and Magnus is inundated with a thousand sensations at once. And it’s overwhelming, but only in the very best of ways, though it comes as no surprise that them being joined together like this after everything surges up that poorly held back onslaught of his tears.

At the first blast of his desperate, broken sob, Alec slows the stirring of his hips, staring down at Magnus in total wonder, as Magnus’ hands sweep in wide arcs up his sides and he hooks his ankles around Alec’s to pin against the bed.  

“I’m… staying, Magnus,” Alec says, apparently humbled and awed by the prospect, carefully sounding out words he hopes might bring those tears to a stop. “I’m not… I’m not leaving you. I get to… we get to have this, forever,”

“I know,” Magnus says, because he did know, and he does know, but is still having difficulty accepting he gets to have that much luck.

“If you want it, of course,” Alec quickly amends, the tiniest flicker of doubt marring his features, and Magnus feels a bubble of ridiculous laughter working its way up his throat. As if he’d ever not want this, he thinks to himself, near hysterical. As if he’d ever not want Alec.

“Forever,” Magnus assures him, wishing he could be more eloquent in the moment, but unable to find the appropriate words. He raises his legs to wrap around his waist instead, drawing Alec further inside him, hugging him close as Alec lets out another groan, and drops into the crook of his neck.

* * *

“You’re still you,” Izzy cries, and Magnus watches as she pulls back from Alec to stare up at his face in disbelief, before throwing herself back at him.  

“Apparently so,” Alec smiles, an easiness now settled over his features as though he hadn’t been just as surprised.  

These Lightwoods really do an overactive imagination, Magnus thinks to himself as he looks at them with a fond smile.

Though truthfully, none of them could really know what was waiting for Alec beyond that ritual following his dependency on demon venom. And to look at him currently, it would be unbelievable to think Alec’s never not been whole. But there’s a stillness and a peace in the very air around him now, that Shadowhunter Alec was always lacking.

The thought of _warlock_ _Alec_ sends shoots of excitement and elation through Magnus; just enough to bring him back.

“What, no horns or anything?” Jace is teasing, looking him up and down with an ever growing smile on his face as he pulls him into a hard hug of his own. “Gotta say, I’m kinda disappointed,”

“Apparently _made_ warlocks don’t get warlock marks,” Alec shrugs, already an authority on the subject, “just the ones who were born get that,”

The smile he turns on Magnus then is adoring; one that Magnus can’t help but return.

“So there’s more of you than just _you_ ,” Jace says with his eyebrows raising in surprise, to which Alec only shrugs again. But it’s true; it’s only a couple of days since Alec woke up to a world where he has magic running through his veins, and those days they spent holed up in the loft was equal parts them relearning one another, and reading all the lore and legends they hadn’t already got their hands on.

If only they’d have found some of these descriptions of a couple of Shadowhunters from their history that had lived successful lives as transformed warlocks earlier. Both are dead now, unfortunately, due to being overwhelmed in separate battles; but knowing they had existed in the first place would have brought them both untold comfort in the past few weeks.

Not that it matters now, Magnus adds to himself with a surge of love for the man stood in front of him greeting his siblings. They’re both here, and they’re both whole, and any battles either of them must face they do not need to face right now.

“Where are you going?” Clary asks, and if Magnus isn’t mistaken, she’s held a little longer in Alec’s grasp. Alec has a look on his face that speaks of him silently asking for forgiveness, though it’s been such a long while since he was that bristling, blunt version of himself with Clary, that Magnus is sure Clary’s long forgotten that. Or at least, only conveniently remembers it when she’s teasing him, Magnus amends, catching the surprised though pleased smile on her face when Alec finally releases her from his arms.

“That’s up to Magnus,” Alec says, smiling at her for another second before turning that smile to Magnus, and he’s been insistent on that. Alec’s got it in his head that for all Magnus has sacrificed for him, he needs to at least choose this place where he’s taking him for himself.

Sacrifice, Magnus huffs under his breath, as though he wouldn’t give all of himself for Alec, repeatedly, totally, until there was nothing of him left.

Not that he needs to now, he reminds himself, idly wondering if that repeated surge of happiness is ever going to leave him. He thinks perhaps not.

“You gonna be okay?” Jace asks, and it’s probably unconscious, but his hand is up and ghosting over his own faded parabatai tone, as though he can feel the whisper of Alec lingering there yet is trying to work out what’s different about it.

“I will,” Alec agrees, that smile on his face dropping ever so slightly, “think I’ll feel better when we’re gone, actually, but. I will,”

The other reason for Magnus and Alec being holed up in their apartment is the inevitable awakening of Alec’s magic. He can’t currently control the outbursts, the flares that shoot across the room any time he feels a strong emotion—which currently, is constantly—and although Magnus assures him he’ll be on hand to prevent him doing any harm, Alec doesn’t quite yet trust himself. Magnus has some cherished pieces of furniture that he knows Alec’s always going to look at regretfully for the damage he’s done to them already without meaning to, but they are just _things_. Alec’s happiness and freedom in himself is so much more important than that.

Magnus thinks of the blast of fire Alec sent shooting out over the balcony when Jace had insinuated over the phone that the Clave were _interested_ in him, and is thankful that he caught it in time to send out a counter spell to prevent anything terrible happening.  

Those first two days, Magnus sighs, still sure he can hear the relief and joy in each of Alec’s phone calls when he didn’t trust himself to go anywhere. Not a fraction of the happiness he’s witnessing now, of course, but untold happiness nonetheless. Truly, it’s no wonder Alec’s relieved Magnus is reaching out constantly to keep a hold on his magic so it doesn’t get too wild; with this much affection stirring in the room, it would be no surprise if the loft didn’t bloom into some urban garden of Eden before them all.  

“We’ll be sure to send messages,” Magnus assures them all, because as much happiness as there is brimming between them, he can’t help notice the concerned look in Izzy, Jace, and Clary’s eyes. Anyone would think it was _they_ who had become immortal leaving Alec behind, not the other way round, for the way they’re silently fretting over him. Or maybe they’re just so relieved to have him back, that they’re not really ready to let him out of their sight.

He knows it’s selfish, and that there’s no need for it now, but Magnus is so very looking forward to having Alec to himself and totally alone for however long this next period of their life is going to be for them.

“Skype,” Izzy insists, and Magnus doesn’t blame her at all; real life evidence that Alec’s doing okay if she can’t be with him is the smallest of demands.

Magnus quietly steps away, leaving the four of them to catch up and reassure each other that everything is okay between them, taking his time to prepare them tea and conjuring other refreshments he thinks they’ll like from a nearby cafe. He keeps silent as he listens to them talk, not wanting to interrupt when he really is getting to steal Alec away from them indefinitely, both for the next however long and in the long term. But wherever he moves, whatever teacup he’s filling or plate he’s piling with cake, Alec is aware of him. Tentatively stretching out with his magic to reassure himself of where Magnus is, wherever he is in the room.

That he’s doing such a thing instinctively, without having to think on it too much, Magnus is thrilled by. With practice, who knows the possibilities of the kind of magic Alec will be able to perform?

Jace is laughing then, hard and raucous, with Magnus missing entirely what they’ve been saying. But from the blush on Alec’s cheeks he can tell it’s something he should be either very glad he’s missed, or disappointed not to have heard.  

But then Jace’s laugh is transforming into an indignant gasp of surprise, and his eyes are getting rounder, and Magnus bites back his own laughter as an invisible force that has to be Alec’s magic is shoving him hard on to the floor, sending his tea spilling everywhere.

“Oh god, Jace,” Alec says, alarmed as he quickly reaches for him, fingers hesitating just before he clasps his hand to haul him back up, as though he’s afraid Jace won’t want to touch him. Jace laughs harder still, tugging hard on his hand until Alec is toppling down over him, and Magnus is reaching out with his own magic to catch Alec’s cup before it crashes to the floor as well.

The look on Jace’s face is sizing him up, says he’s planning on seeing what Alec’s magic can do when they are sparring, and Magnus has a fresh burst of hope and happiness that everything really will be alright.

The conversation resumes and Magnus joins in, and the five of them discuss what’s happening at the Clave, Max, Alec’s parents; even the beginnings of speculation about what Alec might do when he and Magnus finally get back. It’s a lot to take in, and barely touches on all the things they’ll at some point need to talk about. But it’s enough for Magnus to see Alec immersed in his circle of friends and family; something Alec confessed at the height of his venom paranoia that he feared more than anything he’d not get to have.

All of that’s behind him though, Magnus smiles, his heart doing its new dance again; Alec is whole, and healthy, and has an entire lifetime laid out in front of him. And whatever happens, whatever Alec eventually decides he wants to do with his time, Magnus is going to be right there beside him. He can’t wait for whatever happens, he thinks, giddy with excitement, yet at the same time plans on savoring every moment. This is an existence he never thought he’d get to have after all, with a person who loves him wholeheartedly stood right by his side.

“You okay?” Alec is asking, and Magnus is surprised to find they’re stood together side by side in the doorway, calling goodbyes as Jace, Izzy, and Clary are leaving the apartment. There are numerous more callers due over the next day or so wanting to check that Alec is doing okay, and to wish them luck on their travels. Magnus’ mind keeps wandering to beyond that, and he knows it’s rude to zone out on conversations, but it’s not something he can currently control.  

“I am,” Magnus confirms as he turns to him, looping his arms around Alec’s waist and leaning against him, stretching up just enough to be kissed.

“How long’ve we got till Luke and Maia get here?” Alec asks, wrapping him up closer still, humming his way into that kiss with a hint of a smile.  

“Perhaps another hour,”

“So we’ve got time,” Alec says, pressing another kiss to his cheek.

“For what?”  

***

Magnus loses himself in the warmth of Alec’s arms as they stretch out on the couch, his hand raising lazily to clear up the remains of their tea before sneaking its way under Alec’s t-shirt and wrapping around his side. It’s not like they’ve never taken time to just indulge in making out unhurried, but now there’s no urgency calling either of them elsewhere, it feels like the most decadent of luxuries.  

Magnus is quite sure he will never get enough of that.

* * *

 

 


End file.
